• Top 100 Chuck Norris feiten

    Top 100 Chuck Norris feiten

Er gaan heel veel feiten over Chuck Norris rond, maar hieronder hebben we de beste verzameld. Chuck Norris feiten moeten natuurlijk in het Engels!

  • 1  Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
  • 2  Before going on stage Chuck Norris breaks someone’s leg for good luck.
  • 3  When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
  • 4  Chuck Norris cheated on his English test…………with a calculator.
  • 5  The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
  • 6  Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
  • 7  Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
  • 8  Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
  • 9  When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
  • 10  Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  • 11  There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • 12  Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
  • 13  Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
  • 14  Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
  • 15  When a zombie apocalypses starts, Chuck Norris doesn’t try to survive. The zombies do.
  • 16  Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  • 17  Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  • 18  Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”
  • 19  Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
  • 20  Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • 21  Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  • 22  Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
  • 23  Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
  • 24  Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
  • 25  Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.
  • 26  Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
  • 27  Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
  • 28  Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
  • 29  Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  • 30  Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
  • 31  If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
  • 32  Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
  • 33  A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
  • 34  Chuck Norris’s Blood Type is AK-47.
  • 35  Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  • 36  When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
  • 37  Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
  • 38  Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there is no signs of life.
  • 39  The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
  • 40  Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
  • 41  When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
  • 42  Chuck Norris’ dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
  • 43  It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
  • 44  The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
  • 45  M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
  • 46  Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
  • 47  Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
  • 48  Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
  • 49  The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  • 50  Chuck Norris can speak French… In Russian.
  • 51  Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
  • 52  If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
  • 53  Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
  • 54  Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
  • 55  Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, and fear of Chuck Norris is just plain logic.
  • 56  Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
  • 57  Chuck Norris doesn’t have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
  • 58  Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn’t dodge Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick.
  • 59  Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • 60  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  • 61  Chuck Norris dosn’t flush the toilet, he scares the crap out of it.
  • 62  Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
  • 63  Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
  • 64  Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
  • 65  If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s beef.
  • 66  Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.
  • 67  Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  • 68  Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  • 69  Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
  • 70  Chuck Norris can speak braille.
  • 71  On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
  • 72  The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
  • 73  Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
  • 74  Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
  • 75  Chuck Norris’s computer has no “backspace” button, Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes.
  • 76  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • 77  Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
  • 78  Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
  • 79  Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
  • 80  Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  • 81  A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  • 82  Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
  • 83  Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver… and wins.
  • 84  Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack… even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
  • 85  Chuck Norris once crossed the road…no one has ever questioned his motives.
  • 86  Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
  • 87  What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
  • 88  Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • 89  If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • 90  Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  • 91  The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  • 92  When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.
  • 93  Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
  • 94  Chuck Norris doesn’t teabag , he potatoe sacks.
  • 95  The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
  • 96  The Kool-aid man once broke through Chuck Norris’s wall and said “Ohhh No.”.
  • 97  Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
  • 98  Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
  • 99  Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
  • 100  Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.

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